If You Were a Reality TV Family, Part 1

According to multiple sources, Sarah Palin and reality TV super-producer Mark Burnett are shopping a reality TV series featuring the former Alaska Governor and mother of five–but it won’t include salacious details from their family life, Burnett promised. (Damn!)

But it got me thinking: how do normal families stack up against our reality TV counterparts? Here are a few scenes from popular reality TV shows that might have gone a little differently if the cameras were rolling in your house.

Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood

Photo courtesy of Oxygen.com

What they did: Tori and Dean spend hours shopping antique furniture stores, collecting fine silk fabric swatches, and hitting up designer baby boutiques as they complete a top-to-bottom home makeover.

If the cameras were rolling in your house: You and your husband drag your two kids to IKEA, where your main consideration is ‘Do you think the print on this couch will hide crayon marks/chocolate milk stains/regurgitated formula?’ After a detour for swedish meatballs, a romp in Smaland and an hour wandering the self-serve warehouse, your reward is an evening of assembling your own furniture.

The Osbournes

Photo by Neal Bucket, courtesy of MTV.com

What they did: Ozzy shuffles around in his house, attempts to reason with his kids about their comings and goings, and curses out Sharon’s dogs.

If the cameras were rolling in your house: You very patiently try to coax your dog into going outside in the snow while barely suppressing the urge to tell your toddler to just “Sit on the %#$%@ toilet already.”

Photo: INF Photo

Jon and Kate Plus 8

What they did: Kate organizes a carnival-themed birthday party for the sextuplets’ third birthday, complete with pony rides on the front lawn.

If the cameras were rolling in your house: You go all out and spend $150 dollars to hire a performer to show up in your living room dressed as Barney. When he arrives, your 2 -year-old bursts into tears and runs out of the room. She spends the next six months saying “No Barney party” to anyone who will listen.

Stay tuned for more scenes from ‘If You Were a Reality TV Family’–and feel free to suggest a few of your own!

-EB

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